Happy New Year!
During holiday break I decided I will not be “unschooling” in the sense of allowing my kids to choose and control their days. Instead, I explained to my children that they will be able to divide their days into equal parts. Parts where they work with me, parts where they work on themselves and parts where they get their basic human and house needs met. I am no longer interested in participating in the “unschooling” idea of fostering my children’s self-governance.
Here’s why:
When my son was born, I did not give him the chance to develop himself. He went right into the community and he learned what it meant to have his place in our family and the school system- with a lot of push back and strife. Once we started homeschooling, I was able to give him space to discover himself and build some autonomy. When my daughter was born, she was afforded this privilege right away. And ever since I have read, played and indulged my children and their autonomy the way all mothers wish to love their children. But they have demonstrated a bigger need from me recently- and that is a need to hold more responsibility and accountability.
For me “unschooling” has reached a point where I am serving my kids needlessly. They make messes and I clean them. They do as they please, eat when they please and despite recognizing that I could use some help- they choose to do something else. Reasoning and asking for help has not worked in pulling them in with chores and family life or meeting their human needs. And so, my wonderfully autonomous children need more guidance and understanding of what it means to be part of a family.
What I have realized in the past few weeks is that we have spent so much time learning about them, we haven’t required them to learn about us. Our relationships are suffering because they are only being served in one direction. So this year, my kids will be held accountable for participating in our lives just as much as we participate in theirs. They will be responsible for helping us re-establish what it means to be in our family. They will have chores, reading requirements and be required to meet basics of food, sleep and cleanliness within our home.
Since implementing these new “rules” I have experienced some of the more “typical” parent/child disagreements. But mostly, I have watched my family have more fun. The kids see our requirements as something to achieve and are having fun learning the expectations. They are asking for the daily schedule, they are thinking about organizing their time, and they seem to be feeling better about their appearances. Most importantly, we are all enjoying each other’s company much more. I am excited to see how far this goes and whether or not it will actually push me into teaching curriculum at all. (((Shocked face crazy mind blown emojis)))
What about you? Where is your unschooling journey? What ideas do you need to slash and what do you need to keep? Where are your kids at in terms of fostering their autonomy? How can your family be better served by placing requirements on how time is spent? In what ways does your children’s autonomy serve the family as a whole? I’d love to hear your thoughts!